Invasion of the People Snatchers

Can people change?

It's one of those questions that inevitably pops up every once in a while, each time triggering a different answer that I'm oh so sure I believe.. until the next time, of course. Every time a new situation arises I find my conclusion is rarely based on my last conclusion, or even the facts involved. It usually comes down to a gut feeling.

I think though I've come up with an answer that I can apply to any situation and possibly make a more fair judgement. This answer is 'ish'. Yes, I do think people can change.. ish. Ok, I know how that reads, but give me a chance to explain;

With the exception of a mightily convenient dose of amnesia or extreme hypnotherapy, nothing can undo your experiences. We are all doomed to remember most of our highs and lows throughout our lives. These memories (even the ones that lurk in the murky depths of the mind) play a large part in dictating how we handle situations. If you have a bad experience at a club the first time you go chances are you'll avoid going again for a while. Even if you acknowledge that though and try not to let it affect you, you may end up disregarding things that would otherwise bother you because you put the discomfort down to that first experience. Now this part would suggest that a person can't change - not really at least, right? Right.

On the other hand though, I am not the same person I was when I was 15. Sure, I have a lot in common with her; we have the same name, same family, a few of the same ambitions, a fair number of the same memories and even a couple of the same friends.. but we're not interchangeable. Of course we're not, nobody at age 21 could possibly be interchangeable with their 15-year-old self. I'm not talking here about 'deep personal experiences' or 'profound epitomes'. I'm simply referring to my general attitudes and reactions. Everything I experienced before the age of 15 is still there, but there's so much of it that I see in a different light now. I don't know what changed it (I assume the general passing of time and the whole growing up thing had something to do with it) but I do know that when I'm confronted with the same everyday problems they affect me differently. For example when I was 15 if a stranger glared at me I felt like "Why the fuck are they glaring at me? Who the fuck do they think they are? What the fuck is so wrong with me that they think they have the right to judge me without knowing me? Fucking bastard."¹ whereas now my reaction is more along the lines of "Hey now that's not nice. They're probably having a bad day though.. I'll check a mirror to reassure myself and then move on with my day". I genuinely don't feel under attack - the weird thing being that I don't remember ever making a concious decision to be less defensive or anything, it just sort of.. happened. There are many little things like that which pretty much all amount to this:
At age 15 I was trying so hard to be the smartest, most talented, most pretty-but-deep-and-damaged person in any room that I ended up coming off as just obnoxious and stupid. It vaguely irritates me, but what's bothers me more is that even when I tried to put others first my thoughts still went through the filter of "How do my actions look?" so my first thought was always myself. I wish I had made the effort to change this behaviour because maybe then I'd have been rid of it sooner. It seemed to sort itself out eventually anyways, because now I don't have to try to be kind or considerate. Even the childhood I remember as a 21 year old is very different from the one I remembered as a 15 year old, yes the same things happened but just.. differently. To clarify, I wasn't the devil at age 15 and I'm not an angel at age 21, I just see things more normally now.²
Now this was all a little too introspective for my taste, so I figured I would see how it holds up in comparison to my friends. No offence guys, but if my friends from when I was 15 still existed in their 15-year-old forms I would not be friends with them. I'd like to stress here that they've all evolved considerably - at least the ones I still know have. How is it that I had a lot in common with them then, have a lot in common with them now, but seem to have none of those same things in common with my old self?

So I've come to this reasoning:
If a person thinks they've changed they can force reactions and make it seem as though they see things differently. I think the test of it though is how they see the past. I mean wayy in the past, like before whatever drama they're supposed to have changed from.
Because I think that's the only real change you can make in your life. If you think you've changed your entire self I think you're wrong. There's only so much your attitudes can influence. Also just because you've changed doesn't mean you've changed for the better. I think it's worth not writing anyone off immediately though, there's a lot to be said for hearing people out.

That's pretty much it. Could have been shorter but given that the title of the blog is "Snoozy Snippets" I think being exhausted is a fair excuse for lack of editing. Also did you guys know that the HTML tag for superscript is "sup"? I find that ridiculously funny. Bye for now x

¹ Yes, the word 'fuck' came up much more in my 15-year-old vocabulary too, though I think that has more to do with my "I may be 5"6 and blond but I'm very scary and angry I promise" phase.

² Then again, writing a personal blog from the first person perspective may not be the most un-self-centred thing in the universe. Whatever, you get the general gist.

The Shape of Things To Come

There have been several posts that I've wanted to write over the last little while. There are many reasons why I didn't write them, but mostly they came down to one recurring annoyance; me.

Hey, I'm the kind of person who writes a personal blog, you can't expect me to not be self-centred. There have been 6 personal pronouns so far out of only 65 words - and it only gets worse from here on in.

Basically all of it's got me thinking about the nature of opinions. I have refrained from expressing mine because I feel like who I am makes them somehow less valid. Who am I to comment on wisdom at age 21? How can I justify talking about stereotypes when I fit so many of them? Then again.. does being 21 allow me to comment on the ignorance of some 12-year-olds? Can I complain about stereotypes, so long as I avoid the ones that apply to me?

Actually I kind of think most of what I just said is bullshit. The problem is that thinking it's bullshit doesn't stop me from allowing it to shape my opinions. This is annoying me to no end. The thing is, I don't think it's a me-being-annoying thing so much as a human-nature-sucking thing. I look at the people around me and I can see it influencing them - whether they bow to it like me or over compensate for it, it still shapes them.

This is why I wanted to write this, I want to be clear about a few things when it comes to future posts:

I am a middle class white female. None of my opinions or decisions represent those of other middle class white females. They are their own people with their own opinions for their own reasons.

I am in a long term relationship with a male. I am still entitled to my opinions on sexuality, relationships and romance. These opinions have not been solely formed based on this relationship, and please do not presume to know my romantic history or how it may or may not have affected me - only a couple of people know everything there is to know, and even they have only heard it from my own biased perspective.

I am young. My peers and other influences growing up have influenced the way I think and process information, so if you are significantly older or younger than I am please do not write off my opinions because of this but instead try to put yourself in my shoes.

I'm not overly smart, but I'm not stupid either. I don't know everything. I will never know everything. I try not to comment on things unless I feel I have a reasonable understanding of it based on several reliable sources. If I'm way off base on the facts (not opinions, mind you) I'd appreciate being told or given the benefit of the doubt, please do not assume it is my age or deliberate ignorance getting in the way.

I have a long-term illness. It sucks, but I'm happy. I have a great life, genuinely. Feel free to have sympathy for the fact that I'm sick, but please don't pity me. If nothing else there's no reason for it. Also it's patronizing as all hell.

I love my family. My good relationship with my family shouldn't really affect how seriously my views on family, children, relationships and family issues (divorce, abuse, etc.) are taken.

I'm trying not to disclose anything here that I wouldn't tell an acquaintance in a five minute conversation - not just on this post but on the blog in general. It's easy to forget that this won't just be seen by the two or three friends who make a point of reading it, or even just by the people I'm friends with on Facebook. The internet is public and though I want to share my views and have them out there, I hate the idea of them being written off just because it was me who said them. We are all who we are, for better or worse. We should try to improve ourselves where possible but I feel like even if I'm just shot down and corrected that's improvement. Just as long as they're shot down for being incorrect, not because I'm blond or whatever.

I tried a few times to make this sound less bitter, uppety and generally patronizing but I couldn't. Just please take my word for it that I was erring on the side of clarity. Mostly I was just trying to write a disclaimer for when future posts are taken the wrong way (or taken the right way, but where I didn't think before I typed).