Invasion of the People Snatchers

Can people change?

It's one of those questions that inevitably pops up every once in a while, each time triggering a different answer that I'm oh so sure I believe.. until the next time, of course. Every time a new situation arises I find my conclusion is rarely based on my last conclusion, or even the facts involved. It usually comes down to a gut feeling.

I think though I've come up with an answer that I can apply to any situation and possibly make a more fair judgement. This answer is 'ish'. Yes, I do think people can change.. ish. Ok, I know how that reads, but give me a chance to explain;

With the exception of a mightily convenient dose of amnesia or extreme hypnotherapy, nothing can undo your experiences. We are all doomed to remember most of our highs and lows throughout our lives. These memories (even the ones that lurk in the murky depths of the mind) play a large part in dictating how we handle situations. If you have a bad experience at a club the first time you go chances are you'll avoid going again for a while. Even if you acknowledge that though and try not to let it affect you, you may end up disregarding things that would otherwise bother you because you put the discomfort down to that first experience. Now this part would suggest that a person can't change - not really at least, right? Right.

On the other hand though, I am not the same person I was when I was 15. Sure, I have a lot in common with her; we have the same name, same family, a few of the same ambitions, a fair number of the same memories and even a couple of the same friends.. but we're not interchangeable. Of course we're not, nobody at age 21 could possibly be interchangeable with their 15-year-old self. I'm not talking here about 'deep personal experiences' or 'profound epitomes'. I'm simply referring to my general attitudes and reactions. Everything I experienced before the age of 15 is still there, but there's so much of it that I see in a different light now. I don't know what changed it (I assume the general passing of time and the whole growing up thing had something to do with it) but I do know that when I'm confronted with the same everyday problems they affect me differently. For example when I was 15 if a stranger glared at me I felt like "Why the fuck are they glaring at me? Who the fuck do they think they are? What the fuck is so wrong with me that they think they have the right to judge me without knowing me? Fucking bastard."¹ whereas now my reaction is more along the lines of "Hey now that's not nice. They're probably having a bad day though.. I'll check a mirror to reassure myself and then move on with my day". I genuinely don't feel under attack - the weird thing being that I don't remember ever making a concious decision to be less defensive or anything, it just sort of.. happened. There are many little things like that which pretty much all amount to this:
At age 15 I was trying so hard to be the smartest, most talented, most pretty-but-deep-and-damaged person in any room that I ended up coming off as just obnoxious and stupid. It vaguely irritates me, but what's bothers me more is that even when I tried to put others first my thoughts still went through the filter of "How do my actions look?" so my first thought was always myself. I wish I had made the effort to change this behaviour because maybe then I'd have been rid of it sooner. It seemed to sort itself out eventually anyways, because now I don't have to try to be kind or considerate. Even the childhood I remember as a 21 year old is very different from the one I remembered as a 15 year old, yes the same things happened but just.. differently. To clarify, I wasn't the devil at age 15 and I'm not an angel at age 21, I just see things more normally now.²
Now this was all a little too introspective for my taste, so I figured I would see how it holds up in comparison to my friends. No offence guys, but if my friends from when I was 15 still existed in their 15-year-old forms I would not be friends with them. I'd like to stress here that they've all evolved considerably - at least the ones I still know have. How is it that I had a lot in common with them then, have a lot in common with them now, but seem to have none of those same things in common with my old self?

So I've come to this reasoning:
If a person thinks they've changed they can force reactions and make it seem as though they see things differently. I think the test of it though is how they see the past. I mean wayy in the past, like before whatever drama they're supposed to have changed from.
Because I think that's the only real change you can make in your life. If you think you've changed your entire self I think you're wrong. There's only so much your attitudes can influence. Also just because you've changed doesn't mean you've changed for the better. I think it's worth not writing anyone off immediately though, there's a lot to be said for hearing people out.

That's pretty much it. Could have been shorter but given that the title of the blog is "Snoozy Snippets" I think being exhausted is a fair excuse for lack of editing. Also did you guys know that the HTML tag for superscript is "sup"? I find that ridiculously funny. Bye for now x

¹ Yes, the word 'fuck' came up much more in my 15-year-old vocabulary too, though I think that has more to do with my "I may be 5"6 and blond but I'm very scary and angry I promise" phase.

² Then again, writing a personal blog from the first person perspective may not be the most un-self-centred thing in the universe. Whatever, you get the general gist.